Why a sexologist says right now is the best time to reset your sex goals

January 11, 2020 at 06:00PM by CWC


Now that we’re back in the ’20s it’s the perfect time to embrace bob haircuts, gin cocktails, hot jazz, and hotter sex. Maybe not at the same time, you might be more of a whiskey person, but if nothing else the wild adventures in pleasure part should get a big reprise. New Year, New Decade, and new sex goals. And you’re more likely to make those goals now when you’re fueled with that shiny new energy.

“Realistically anytime is a good time to spark up your sex life,” says Alicia Sinclair, certified sexologist and creator of the Le Wand Massager. “However, since so many folks see the New Year as a marker to make change, it’s a fantastic time to amp up your sex life. Since most of us feel naturally inclined to ring in a new year with positive life changes, the momentum is already supporting change and primed for new resolutions — like the sex life you’ve been dreaming of during those holiday food comas.”

From a psychological standpoint, this phenomenon is referred to as The Fresh Start Effect. With the Fresh Start Effect, highlighting landmarks like birthdays, anniversaries, and yes, a new year reprograms the brain to think aspirationally. You get a clean slate that motivates you to act and leaves room for new ideas and innovations. And even though (or maybe because) resolutions tend to swan dive as the year goes on, you might as well get started setting up and knocking down those sex goals, domino-style.

How to reset your sex goals—and reach them

So how do you get started if you’re looking to inject some novelty but don’t know where to begin? According to Sinclair, an easy—and fun—way to get started is to create a sheet with ‘yes,’ ‘no,’ and ‘maybe’ columns for you and your partner (if this is a two player game).

Kate Spade Autumn/Winter Sale

“Really think about all the possible ways that you would definitely like to play sexually and put those in your yes column,” says Sinclair. “Consider all the things that you or your partner might be interested in and placed those each person’s “maybe” section. Sexual acts that absolutely turn you off should be placed under ‘no.’ Review and compare notes, then prioritize your yeses. This will give you a lot of data about what you like and where you want to begin.”

If you need a few things to add to that list, think about testing the waters with ice cubes, or learn how to properly use aphrodisiacs. And nobody says that you can’t soul-search the same way if you’re playing solo right now. Take your orgasm into your own hands (like, literally). No more dilly-dallying with the same the silver bullet that you got at a South Street sex shop when you were 19! Maybe this is the year you give an oral sex simulator or the head-spinning Tracy’s Dog vibrator a whirl. Consider your curiosities, and I assure you you’ll go into the ’20s roaring.

If you want pleasure delivered to your doorstep, right now’s a good time to sign up for a sexual subscription box. Or if you’re feeling lazy, we have a household items that can transform into in-the-moment sex toys.

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Author Mary Grace Garis | Well and Good
Selected by CWC